What If?
by GhostlyMayhem
Summary: What if Zim had an actual mom? Who happens to come and visit her son on Earth? I don't think his mom or Tak would get along very well... AU. Is not related to any of my other IZ stories, and yes I know Zim has a cold, unfeeling robot arm. I wrote this for FUN. ZATR.
1. Unexpected News

**Heads up: This AU and does not tie into my other IZ stories.**

**...**

**What if...?**

**...**

"You have a mother?"

"Tak, it's hard to explain..."

"You have a _mother?_"

"It never occurred to me that I should have probably told you-"

"You have a _MOTHER?_"

"SILENCE!"

When Tak's piercing glare caught his eye, he chuckled nervously. "Heh, my bad... Old habit..."

"Its a daily habit, if I remember correctly," Tak retorted, crossing her arms over her chest.

Zim rolled his eyes. "Anyway... To answer your question: Yes. I have a mother."

"We've been together for how long and you decided to tell me I have a mother-in-law now?"

"I didn't think much of it..."

"That explains it."

"Point is: She's been on her way here for a while, so she should be arriving on Earth tomorrow-"

Tak's eyes nearly bulged out of her eye sockets. "She's coming _TOMORROW?_"

"Of course-"

"_TOMORROW?_"

"I didn't think-"

**"TOMORROW?!"**

Instead of shouting _'silence'_ again for the sake of keeping himself safe from Tak's rage, he only gave her a blank stare. "Hmm... I wonder who you're starting to sound like." He gave a suggestive wink to prove his point.

Tak felt her cheeks grow warm. She glared at Zim once more, but not as harshly or threateningly as before. "Shut up, Zim." _Crap, he's right... We've been spending way to much time together._ "What are we going to do?"

"Eh? What do you mean?"

"Your mom is coming here TOMORROW and doesn't know her son has a mate and a smeet on the way?"

"Do you think I'm stupid? Of course she knows about you!"

"What about our smeet?" She placed her hand on her slowly rounding belly to prove a point.

Zim chuckled nervously, "I didn't think she'd have to know... Not now, anyway..."

Tak could have sworn she felt a vein in her forehead burst from the fury and rage she immediately felt at Zim's words, but for the sake of her unborn smeet kicking inside her at that moment, Tak held the anger back, simply darkening her glare at him. "You. Are. An._ Idiot._" With that she got up and left, leaving a slightly insulted Zim alone on the living room couch as he watched her go.

"You know it's a turn on!" Zim called out after her, scratching the back of his head in shame when he realized she was right: He was an idiot.

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**A/N: (another) little side project story based on a picture I saw on deviantArt where Zim had a mom. It was a comedic picture where his mom was kinda a bitch. XD It's an AU little fun side story. AU. Meaning: yes Tak is pregnant in this (like around the time Parenthood takes place, but this is not part of Parenthood at all because we know Zim had a cold, unfeeling robot arm. Yes, I KNOW THAT. This is just for FUN because this is FANFICTION.**

**Anyway, review if you can. :) Small ideas would be appreciated it!**


	2. Arriving Doom

...

**What If…?**  
_**Part 2**_

_**...**_

_Next morning…_

The doorbell rang.

Zim's antenna perked up at the sudden sound. "Ooooh, she's here! She's here!" Zim quickly stood up, running out of the kitchen.

Tak sighed, standing up as well. "Aren't I the one who's supposed to be nervous?" She asked, following her mate out of the kitchen and into the living room.

"Yeah, well my mother isn't very... Motherly toward me," Zim replied, walking up to the door. He paused, hesitantly reaching for the doorknob. "She's not fond of a lot of things. Or people, for that matter."

"Hence why I'm nervous. How can you be sure that's your mother at the door?"

_"ZIM!"_

Zim cringed, lowering his head.

_"I know you're in there! You better open this door before I open it for you!"_

Zim flashed Tak a nervous smile. "That's mother for you." Taking a deep breath, he twisted the doorknob in his hand, slowly opening the door to reveal a short figure covered with a hood. The figure blinked, slowly glancing up, staring at Zim with familiar magenta eyes. She scowled at him. "Zim..."

Zim gave her a nod of acknowledgement. "Mother."

"You've gotten taller," she stated, crossing her arms over her chest, though she still seemed unimpressed.

"Earth's gravity can do that to an Irken," Zim replied, giving another nod to emphasis his point.

"Maybe now you'll actually be considered worthy back on Irk." With that said, his mom calmly walked past her now 5 foot tall son and into the base.

Zim smiled weakly to himself. "It's nice to see you too, Mother." He slammed the door shut.

Zim's mom took a few quick glances around the base, still unimpressed. "This is the sad excuse for a home you live in?" She spotted Tak standing at the far end of the living room, staring back at her with slightly wide eyes. "Ahhh... Is this the mate you've been telling me about?"

_Take a deep breath,_ Tak thought to herself, watching as Zim's mom stared at her with a slightly disgusted look on her face. _Just smile and_ _introduce yourself._ With small, hesitant steps, Tak walked up toward Zim's mom._ Sugar coat it._ "Hi there! You must be Zim's mom." Tak held out a gloved hand to greet the other female Irken, who was now staring at Tak's rounded belly. "I'm Tak. What exactly is your na-"

"-You didn't tell me she was a fat cow," Zim's mom commented, her magenta eyes locked on Tak's rounded belly.

Tak's jaw dropped, insulted by the comment made by her mother-in-law.

Zim shut his eyes, cringing before letting out a sigh._ Shit..._ "Mother, Uhhh... That's something I forgot to mention..."

"That your mate has a weight issue?" Zim's mom nodded. "Yeah, you clearly didn't mention that."

"No, mother..." Zim hesitated. "Tak is..."

"Tak is what?" Annoyed, his mom turned toward him, waiting for an answer. "Fat? Cause I already know that..."

"...She's carrying my smeet," Zim admitted, a bit loudly due to the fact that his mother was grinding on his nerves as she always did, but he was a bit afraid to stand up to his own mother because of her fiery temper.

His mom raised a non-existent eyebrow. "A smeet? She's carrying your smeet?"

"Yeah, well..." Zim glanced down, staring at the floor. "I know you always talk about grandsmeets, so... Surprise."

His mom scoffed in reply, "Well it's about time! At least you're both tall enough so hopefully my grandsmeet will be tall as well. Again, tall equals worthy. How many times do I have to remind you?" Rolling her eyes, Zim's mom walked past Tak and into the kitchen. "I'm going to make some tea."

Once she was fully gone, Tak slowly turned toward Zim, shooting him_ 'the look'_. "Well she's a piece of work. I'm guessing that's ANOTHER thing you forgot to mention..."

Zim only chuckled nervously, "Yeah... I'm an idiot, aren't I?"

"Wow, you finally figured something out... for once."

* * *

**A/N: Poor Zim... His mom is a piece of work. XD**

**A new epic war is upon us: Tak vs Mother-in-law. Let the lines be drawn and may the better Irken win! XD**

** Please review!**


	3. Insults

_..._

**What If?**

_Part 3_

_..._

Silently sipping on her tea, Zim's mom continued glaring at Tak from across the kitchen table. Tak nervous fiddled with her thumbs, keeping eye focus away from her new mother-in-law.

Zim sighed, rubbing his temples. "Mother, I thought you would be happy that I found a mate and am giving you grandsmeets. After all, you always did say I'd amount to nothing and would probably never settle down. But guess what: I DID!"

"I know," she replied calmly, continuing to sip her tea.

"Then what's the problem?"

His mom moved her focus back on Tak. "There's something about you that I don't like," she stated to the female Irken across from her.

"And for what reason?" Tak asked, trying not to raise her voice or stress herself out for her smeet's sake. "You barely just met me."

"Correction: I barely just met you because your stomach was in the way..."

"That's your grandsmeet you're talking about," Tak replied, voice raising. "It's inside me and I can't help that."

"Well you could if you watched your weight..."

Tak stood up immediately, slamming her hands on the table. "LOOK LADY-"

Zim immediately reached up, grabbing hold of his clearly stressed out mate. "Tak..."

"It's not her fault she's insulted by the truth," his mother quipped from across the table.

"Mother!" Zim took a deep breath, head pounding. _Maybe it was a mistake bringing my mother here..._ "Look, can't we all just get along? Honestly Mother, you didn't like anyone back home. You never liked any of my friends growing up-"

"Correction: You only had a friend, and his name was Skoodge," his mother corrected him. "And he certainly had a weight problem as well..."

Zim rolled his eyes. "Yes, okay, I had only ONE friend and you didn't like him... For whatever reason." He paused. "Wait, do you not like people because of their weight problems?" He gasped, "Do you discriminate against fat people?"

"ZIM!" Tak elbowed him, annoyed. "I don't have a weight problem! I'm carrying YOUR smeet for crying out loud! Your mother simply doesn't get along with people and picks out everyone's flaws because she's insecure with her OWN self!" She smirked at her mother-in-law. "How do you like them apples, bitch?"

Zim cringed, shaking his head. _Oh Irk kill me now..._

Zim's mother calmly put down her tea, slowly standing up. "Judging by your violent impulse to use vulgar language, it clearly shows that you have, in simpler terms for you to understand: _'issues'_."

Tak tightened her hands into fists at her side, breathing hard.

"It just shows me your... _defective_ qualities-"

That did it. Zim barely had time to grab a hold of Tak around the waist as she lunged for his mother across the table, who looked amused more than anything. Tak struggled in her mate's grasp, swearing at the top of her lungs.

"Now if you'll excuse me: I'm going to go find the guest room." With that said Zim's mother turned and calmly walked out of the kitchen.

Tak watched her go, beyond seething. How DARE that woman call her a defect? "What a CUN-"

"Tak!"

"What?" she demanded, crossing her arms over her chest.

"She's still my mother!"

"You're honestly going to defend that woman?" Tak shook her head. "She's like an awful little troll, purposely trying to piss people off just to see the reaction. Was she trying to piss me off so that I'd murder her?"

"Well, kinda, yeah," Zim admitted quietly, and when Tak quickly turned to face him, he held his hands up. "Don't blame me! She's always been that way."

"I was expecting her to be a lot more like you..." Tak shook her head. "Boy was I wrong..."

"For sure..." Zim nodded in agreement.

"She's waaaaaaaay worse than you ever were."

"That's for-" Zim paused, reading over Tak's words in his head. Then he realized. "Hey! Don't think I didn't catch that."

Calming down a bit, Tak smirked at her mate. "You're definitely getting better at the _'realization game'_." _Maybe having your bitch-of-mom here is making you smarter..._

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**A/N: Another chapter. Short, I know, but it's the only idea I had at the moment. Oh yeah, the wars BEGUN.**

**Please review!**


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